The mirroring principle has answers to your relationship challenges.

The mirroring principle has answers to your relationship challenges.

Apr 05, 2021
“Until you make the unconscious conscious,
it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
C.G. Jung

Have you found that no matter how close you want to be in your relationship, your partner prevents it by being “condescending,” “critical,” “irresponsible,” “distant,” or “rejecting?

“You try everything – speak nicely, be receptive to them, try to be open, or do everything possible to please them, but nothing seems to work to get both of you on the same wavelength.
Have you ever considered the fact that you are also an important contributing part of this equation?
That YOU are part of the dynamic and hence, YOU are possibly partly creating this outcome yourself in your relationship?
You might think, “not by design”, but I’d like to add, ‘probably by default’.
As much as this answer might come as a shock, deep inside you also know there is some truth to it.
And if you’re open to really solve your problem at the core, then I want to share with you, 3 simple strategies that have the potential to completely turn your relationship dynamic around with your partner.
This also holds true if you’re not in the relationship anymore, but it will give you key insights in 2 areas:
a) what was transpiring in your past relationship that you couldn’t make sense of
b) how you can use these strategies to both of your advantage in your future relationship
These 3 simple strategies, which I’m about to share with you, will help you to stop carrying forward the unresourceful patterns from your past, and be fully present in the moment so that you can enjoy your current or future relationship with your intimate partner.

You would have heard some version of ‘we attract who we are’ or
‘like attracts like’. And now is the time for you to heed to these proverbs.

I had the biggest revelation in my own life, as well as a lot of my clients when I fully understood this concept and started teaching it to everyone.
What it means is that we bring unconscious agreements on how to be treated in our relationships and these agreements get mirrored to us by our partners.
Often these unconscious agreements were made from early life experiences or past abusive relationships. Our brains are so impressionable and easily moulded through experiences.
What this means, is that you have an unconscious blueprint for keeping love at bay (if that’s what you’re experiencing in your life right now) or any other relationship struggle that you’re going through. Therefore you attract partners that will make your unconscious desire come true.
In other words, you attract your match; your partner is delivered based on what you broadcast to the universe as your unconscious desire, even though consciously you say it’s not what you want.

Your partner merely brings the other side of the agreement to complete the equation!
(Stay with me, because the good news is, your unconscious desires can be re-programmed! And just like you manifest your struggles, so can you realise your best dreams.)
You are likely to find that through your experiences you learnt that you should give up who you are in a relationship. You hold beliefs that:
a) your needs,
b) feelings, and
c) opinions don’t matter.
In alignment with your beliefs, you attract a partner who is likely to be:
a) absent,
b) self-absorbed
c) and need you to care for him/her.
You can see that in this equation both partners are expected to be imbalanced regarding receiving and giving love in a relationship. It is here where the paradox of relationships lies!
There is good news; you can create the results you desire. If you are in a relationship and both willing, you will need to do the work necessary to develop a mutually satisfying relationship. If you are single, you can break the spell that has affected your past relationships and be ready to attract loving partners.

When you change, your brain reshapes according to new beliefs about yourself, and you will be on your way to attracting someone who matches your inner world. In other words, the new version of you gets mirrored, and the universe cannot help but match your new desire.

The power is in your hands when you understand the mirroring principle.
We are capable of changing, and “knowing thyself” is at the cornerstone of success in life.
Let’s dive straight into the 3 secrets to master the mirroring principle:
Firstly, you want to thank your partner for helping you come face to face with what you need to change. Through the challenges you have had, it has also been an opportunity for you look closely at yourself, so to uncover the other half of the story, the part you play!
Secondly, learn about the beliefs that hold you back and challenge them and come up with more helpful ones that would support your relationship goals instead of sabotaging them. Skewed beliefs drive the feelings of non-deserving. As we know, beliefs are not facts; they are changeable.
Thirdly, pick a belief or situation you want to change. Below is a step-by-step example you can follow to uncover some of your limiting beliefs:
SITUATION AT HANDWHICH OF MY UN-RESOURCEFUL PATTERNS IS THIS REFLECTING UPON? HOW HAVE I CAUSED THIS IN MY RELATIONSHIP?WHERE DID I LEARN THIS PATTERN? WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS UNCONSCIOUS BLUEPRINT OF MINE?1st example done for you: Feeling like Mike and I are not spending any quality time together. He is always so immersed in his work and he’s always working late, that we hardly ever have a decent conversation… even not at the dinner table.
On weekends, he’s mostly out with his mates, fishing or boating, and I’m not even invited.
I feel like I’m always attracting partners who don’t pay attention to my emotional needs…I am always told that I’m a very accommodating partner, but I have never expressed openly how I feel.
I have always tried to please my partners even when I was sad deep inside.
When I was growing up, my dad was always an invisible parent. He was a part of the family but never really there for us emotionally. So, mom was literally trying to fit both roles – that of mom and dad. And though she would sometimes look sad, she hardly ever let dad know how she feels. She was a silent sufferer, mistaking her qualities to be heroic.
Mum was always trying to be our hero, and deal with all the emotional struggles alone. She acted as if that was a sign of strength.
But now I can clearly see, not expressing yourself against injustice or unequal behaviour is only a sign of weakness. And I have been replicating this behaviour in all my past relationships, thus feeling drained out of my true caring spirit.
Create strategies to have more open conversations with my partner.
I will listen to them with an open mind, and also have my turn to voice my opinions/feelings.
Just by following this simple process, you can break away from feeling victimised and take full responsibility for having created unsatisfying relationships in the past.

You can become the master of your destiny, grow through self-leadership. Get the foundations of your relationships right. You owe it to yourself to do what is necessary to create a healthy and loving relationship.

To learn even more about yourself, you can complete a psychological questionnaire which will help you identify your relationship pitfalls and understand your inner world. You can allow relationships to become a vehicle for growth and evolution, and you will be on the way to re-align yourself to your authentic and conscious relationship goals.

If you’re ready to do things differently but don’t know where to begin, I invite you to a 50-minute ‘Ultimate Relationship Discovery Session,’ with my compliments, where we will create your ultimate relationship blueprint to set you up for a loving and thriving relationship of your dreams.
If you’re ready to experience love on a whole new level, click this link below. I only have a few of these spots open up each month and they fill out fast. So book your session now:

About the Author

Alice Ntobedzi is a clinical psychologist, a life coach and an international best-selling author. Her co-authored books are available on her website. Her honours thesis focused on the attachment theory, it was titled: Big 5 personality dimensions and emotional intelligence of mothers as predictors of the quality of their relationship with their adult children. She published an article based on her master’s thesis titled: Emotional intelligence, coping and psychological distress: a partial least squares approach to developing a predictive model. Her article has been downloaded over a 1000+ and cited in other research studies.